Your Stories

I was a GP partner for many years. Over time I realised that the senior male partner was very controlling and unable to partake in an equal partnership.

The Duluth power and control wheel for domestic abuse helped me to identify the pattern of behaviour I was struggling to understand. Like in an abusive domestic relationship, it happened subtly and gradually over time, interspersed with normal and seemingly supportive behaviour.

I also became aware of inappropriate behaviour towards various staff members, creating a toxic work culture. I experienced gender-based harassment, including intrusive questioning about my sex life and bullying behaviour, as I tried to stand up against this. I was deeply traumatised and felt unsafe and very stressed.

I went through Freedom to Speak up to try and get support for the staff and highlight concerns. I found the whole process traumatic and needed a lot of professional support and EMDR to recover. Entering a new workplace was challenging as I was initially quite hypervigilent and afraid. I lost income, resulting in financial instability, my children were also affected and I had a lot of physical health complaints caused by the stress.

I am trying to see it as a learning experience and I am healing, but it has taken time. I hope in time the NHS have better trauma-informed processes to assist with these sort of situations and more eduction to prevent these kind of toxic work cultures, which enable poor behaviour.

Patient with a brain injury and has poor impulse control flips between aggression and, when he’s with female staff, sexual assaults. I was allocated to look after him one day and he would try to punch staff and when asked to stop would grab at my breasts. When he would walk he was wobbly so we would need a couple of staff to walk with him to keep him safe. He put his arm around my neck and his hand crawled down to my breast. I felt my skin crawl.

I documented everything but still women are allocated to look after him.

I know he’s done similar to other colleagues but management don’t care.

Multiple cases over 10 years (at least 80 significant episodes) I had hoped that as I advanced in my career, gained more experience, and rose in seniority, the culture of speaking up would improve, but it appears to be regressing.

Case study 1 – Misogyny and sexism

A senior consultant and a therapy manager asked me to self-fund my travel to specialist hospitals to acquire the necessary skills for a new service, a request I complied with for five years. Only to learn that they were preparing white male colleagues, giving them all the details of new services I had given the senior managers and consultants by visiting various hospitals. They were offered training, support, and funding to do the courses, and were promoted by email to lead a new service even though I had fundraised £26,000 and worked hard to get research grants to build the new service for patients’ benefit. Over those five years, I faced constant gaslighting, bullying, and misogynistic comments. I left the organisation.

Case Study 2 – Sexism

A grant of £40,000 for my project was given to white male colleagues; I was excluded from the project, and the white male colleagues were given training and were promoted by emails. HR was completely involved in it. I received misogynistic and sexist gaslights when I raised concerns. At that time, I voiced my concerns to the organisation’s CEO, who did not respond. A year later, I again voiced my concerns to the new CEO, who assured me they would investigate. However, the victimisation escalated to the point where I had to resign from my job.

Case Study 3 – Sexism

In research training, supervisors would write research projects for male colleagues, support them in writing, and provide all the conference and networking opportunities, but when I sat with them for supervision, they said, I don’t know how to supervise you. I believe they recognise the importance of offering me the same opportunity as their male counterparts or just doing the same things for me.

The collegue in question started by putting his hand on my back or shoulder too frequently whilst I was on shift. I was about to report this to his line manager when one day, he squeezed behind me through a very tight gap. Instead of saying excuse me so I could step aside, he pushed his groin into my bottom, and proceeded to put both of his hands on my shoulders making an inappropriate remark to me. I chose to blow the whistle because this behaviour is totally unacceptable and also to prevent him from doing it to anyone else.

I’ll never forget that day. I had just finished a home visit with a female patient, helping her use a new aid to take a bath upstairs which she was delighted to use right away. Her husband was downstairs. As I informed him I was leaving, he used the moment to corner me, trapping me against the wall. He leaned in to kiss me, ignoring my repeated attempts to say no. He overpowered me in the end. I was terrified. His wife, vulnerable upstairs, couldn’t help. I ducked and ran, reaching my car, locking myself inside.

In a panic, I drove away without using my navigation. Lost in the rural landscape, I found myself at a ford. With headlights behind me, I feared he was following, so I drove through, damaging my car in the process. Though I reported the incident, I felt the aftermath for years.

The Trust and police were supportive, but I received a note from him that made my skin crawl. Every year, I avoid the part of a local event where his farm appears, frozen and nauseated by the memory. It’s been over a decade, but I’ll never shake the feeling: he shouldn’t have done it.

At medical school, a male fellow med student asked me a few times to ride in his convertible car. I accepted a lift after lectures back to our accommodation one day. (On a platonic basis). As I was getting out of the car, I thanked him for the lift. He reached across and pinched my leg hard. When I looked at him he laughed and said “I just wanted to see what your sex face looked like”. I got out of the car and avoided him.

It happened 42 years ago but I still ‘beat myself up’ about not doing anything.

I was an SHO in a great little oncology department and keen at the time to be an oncologist. This was my first 6 months SHO job. Not relevant really but I was living with my BF at the time. I had 3 consultants and one of them started pursuing me. Initially it was unwanted ‘flirting’ but then he asked me to come away with him for the weekend and I said no. He had booked it already (he was a loathsome looking married man who I had absolutely no interest in).

Then one morning shortly after he forced me into a cupboard on the ward and I had to physically and violently fight him off. I hit him very hard. After that he made my life an absolute misery at work.

At the end of the 6 months I left oncology, deciding it was pointless in trying to pursue a career. I became a GP. I moved away. I never reported it thinking his word against mine, 30 years later I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and came back to that city for treatment. I was coming down the stairs in a different hospital and he was coming up.

The same man, a wee man – he was much bigger and more powerful in my memory. He didn’t recognise me and I said nothing. I had a female oncology consultant and she asked me casually if I’d worked with him during a consultation. He was retired but back at work. I could have said something at that point but to my shame said absolutely nothing.

Over the years I’ve replayed it over and over. I had counselling 20 years ago. I’ve considered going to the police, especially when I realised he was back working 30 years later, but I didn’t.

I have a daughter and daughters in law in medicine and hope that if it does happen to them they have the courage to deal with it.

I have seen and experienced many things over the years (including direct sexual harassment and assault), having previously worked in operational departments. Having moved into a digital health field, I have found the latent, background misogyny to be still present but I am used to it. However, recently this has become more personally directed at me by my clinical director.

I have placed a star next to the parts which I consider to misogynistic.

I have received comments from him that are, while acknowledging the department has massively progressed since I started in my role as head of the unit; gaslighting me and my experience to my (male) line manager – indicating that I am a histrionic female* who “must take the nuclear option”* in my professional relationships (I am not – quite the opposite, in fact) despite him being the one who was basically saying if I didn’t do what he wanted he would tell the executive level he had to leave his role as my clinical director due to me being ‘difficult’*, constantly demanding I qualify myself* (which I have never seen him say to my male equivalents), demanding that I produce the “line in law” to back up what I am saying or he will tell other consultants to ignore me and, my personal favourite, that I should be grateful* because “I have tried really, really hard to NOT take credit for the work you have done”*.

This is all because I had the audacity to say “no” to a consultant and challenge him on a subject for which he has little knowledge while putting in a social boundary due to feeling a little encroached upon*. Everything was fine until then and he was even happy to go round telling people I am a ‘national expert’ in my subject beforehand. However, apparently now I do not understand anything or know what I am talking about, must be mansplained to* and spoken to like a child*.

His behaviour has escalated over a few months to moving into my personal space*, ambushing me when on my own, separating and isolating me from colleagues so he can bully me while by myself and using coercive language such as “I think you’ll agree with me when I say…” (no – I don’t – and stop trying to convince me I should!). He has also taken to trying to be involved in every little operational task and decision in my department, claiming he feels “left out” if he doesn’t know every tiny thing that happens (even though he shouldn’t know, or need to) and is trying to involve himself in line managing my staff, even though I have asked him not to.

He has taken the stance that he knows better* on every subject and gets very angry and escalates if I suggest he should not be involved in these matters. The last in-person encounter had quite a sinister feel to it which I have still not recovered from. I have spoken to HR and told them I am planning my exit from the organisation due to intolerable working conditions.